- A Cry In My Heart -

This song called Cry In My Heart by Starfield applied to me in a unique way while I was on a mission trip at Haiti with 18 brothers and sisters from CCF. I wasn't completely aware of the situation with a few of the team members that were involved. However, the feeling that I had was somewhat that of a fatherly figure...let me explain.

There was some conflict of how the culture was in Haiti (in particular a little village in Haiti called Tricotte) and how we, as visiting foreigners/missionaries, should act. My friends' hearts were effected from not understanding the culture and righteously wishing they could intervene in the event of an orphan being treated poorly. This actually broke my friends' hearts, yet it was in best interest not to intervene but to pray as it was the best course of action. At the time, I didn't understand the full context and I knew I wanted to help. But the thing was, I didn't know how to help. A small battle in my mind was raging and one side would say, what are you doing just standing there, go help your brothers and sisters! The other, but how?! And this got me really riled up, I became upset because I didn't know what to do and felt there was nothing I could do. As though I was completely lost and hopeless.

I entered my room where one of the team members and I shared and was angry at this point. I decided to get my guitar and felt strongly lead to find a song and play it. It was then I found Cry In My Heart and sang it while playing my guitar. This calmed me down a little and it seemed to fit the situation well with where all of our hearts were that night.

In the end I rationalized this 'upsetness' or cry in my own heart was from wanting my friends to be safe and resting for the night after a days of work rather than stressed and heartbroken. The image in my head was that of a father wishing to tuck-in his kids and see to it that they are at peace. Feeling this way, I did proceed to see everyone was in bed before I would pray for my teammates, myself and get ready to sleep. It was an odd feeling to be honest but I was thankful for the experience and being lead to the song.

Recently I was thinking about the meaning behind the words 'cry in my heart'. This curiosity lead me to the bible verses Psalm 84:2 and Lamentations 2:19. These verses mention the cry of the heart in two fashions. The first being a wanting, a longing to be in the presence of God and the other that there is a need of relationship between the people and God-that through calamities we should lift up our hardship to the Lord, leave it for Him and His will to be done (CCEL, 2005). It was really cool how those verses seemed to fit that situation!

Really, the words 'cry in my heart' can mean anything depending on the context. The cool part about the song is that it has an abundance of style in worship. For example: the lyrics "You are my rock" exemplifies proclamation, "Oh, Lord, I need to know you" - supplication, "There's a cry in my heart...There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline..." - consecration (a wanting to be devoted), and "...You are my glory, You are the lifter of my head" - adoration. -- Thanks goes to Worship Class for this knowledge =)

In life, there are times when the cry of our heart is a yearning for: God's presence to fill us, justice be done in an event, wisdom be granted, total trust of God be established, our bodies to be truly offered as a living sacrifice, us to be pure as a reflection of Jesus, etc.

With these wants and needs, the song points to things that are certain:

"You are my rock."

"You are my glory."

"You are the lifter of my head."

...Father we adore You for being all that You are to us.


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References

CCEL, (2005). Commentary on the Whole Bible Volume IV (Isaiah to Malachi). Retrieved December 7, 2008, from Christan Classics Ethereal Library Web site: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/henry/mhc4.Lam.iii.html